Why Are You Still Single?

“Why Are You Still Single?”

It’s the go-to question everyone seems to be asking (or least thinking about) on first dates.

What’s your response when asked why you’re still single? Head for the exit door? Deflect the question or tell your date it’s “too soon” for such a heavy topic?

If you’re looking for a better approach to create a deeper connection, here’s our top 10 list for how to respond next time you’re asked this question.

1. Take the compliment.

Yes, we know it doesn’t feel like it, but turn it around and make it a positive. It could be a sign of genuine interest. Your confidence will dictate how you respond.

2. Relax.

You’re not on a stopwatch so don’t be so quick to answer. Take your time. Sit back, relax and make eye contact.

3. Forgive.

This is a typical, default question men and women tend to ask when they’re nervous or haven’t yet learned how to connect on a more thoughtful and meaningful level. No one’s trying to hurt you, they simply don’t know any better. Compassion goes a long way in your dating life.

4. Put your guard down.

You’re not on trial so no need to defend your life. Speak your truth, not the story you might have created to protect yourself.

5. Be brief.

No need to recite your entire relationship CV. Keep it short, simple and direct.

6. Listen & Respond.

Really listen. Not just to the words you’re being asked but to the WHY you’re being asked. When was the last time you actually gave your single status some thought? Most people spend time planning a canned answer rather than focusing on why they truly are single. You don’t need a reason. You only need an understanding of yourself and why you’ve made certain life choices. Remember, single is not a four-letter word. It’s totally ok that you’re single. Besides, if you weren’t, that lucky person wouldn’t have the opportunity to sit across from you, now would they!

7. Have gratitude.

Begin your answer with “thank you”. At this point, you’re going to assume the question is coming from curiosity and possible interest. There are a lot of people out there who wouldn’t even care enough to inquire.

8. Deepen the conversation.

This simple question is a great jumping off point to create a deeper connection. Try: “I’m curious why you would ask me this.” And really ask. Your response will be coming from curiosity rather than attitude or defensiveness. You’ll be amazed what you get back and suddenly, you’ll be diving into an interesting conversation that sheds light on who this person is. Caution: This isn’t meant to avoid the original question. Give your thoughtful response and then return the favor. (More on this in an earlier blog about communication.)

9. No excuses.

“I just haven’t met the right person” is commonplace and doesn’t require much introspection. Besides, if you’re over the age of 40, no one’s buying it. It may also leave your date feeling insecure that they might not be the “right person” either. Remember, the question isn’t coming from thinking something is wrong with you, but more about why haven’t you chosen anyone yet. If you’re separated or divorced, you can touch on this and share how you’ve been taking the time to learn and reflect.

10. Embrace your story.

If you feel good about the life you’ve lived, we will too! Own your story and you’ll exude confidence everywhere you go.

First dates can be amazing but they can also be challenging and awkward. If you don’t have representation like LEVEL, you’re often left to answer the typical first date questions that don’t always lead to creating chemistry and connection. A smarter way to date is asking only the questions that are meaningful to you and the person you’re with. You’ll enjoy your dates more and find yourself learning more through listening and observation.

Comments (3)

This is great-thank you! My response is always that I don’t view single-hood is a condition that we need to fix or avoid. Unfortunately, this seems to be a vary rare point of view in our society.

Thank you April. I have to admit I find myself saying and felling that “I just really haven’t met the right person”. This is a great newsletter and I am trying to find a more introspective way to respond!
Thank you for all you do. Happy Holidays

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