You Got Ghosted. Here’s Why.

ghosted

If you’ve been “out there” in the dating world at all in the last 5 years, chances are you’ve been ghosted. Or you’ve ghosted.

No judgement here…Well, maybe a little…But we do get it; studies show that if you’ve been ghosted, you’re more likely to do the same to someone else.

There are lots of reasons people ghost (and none of them make us feel any better):

Confusion:

Your partner might need time alone to sort out their feelings. Remember, your time frame isn’t always the same for your partner.

Fear:

No one wants to be the bad guy. Some people ghost in order to avoid making the first move of breaking up to take the responsibility off their shoulders.

Someone else is in the picture:

Difficult pill to swallow, but when the person you’re seeing has met someone else, they might ghost you as a way of avoiding telling you the truth.

So, if we’ve all experienced this painful and frustrating form of relationship dissolution, why do we allow ourselves to continue the trend?

My solution:

Don’t ghost.

At LEVEL, we believe in transparency, honesty, and responsibility in dating. We maintain a firm growth belief (referenced here in a New York Times article) in personal relationships, which means we believe that relationships can (and do) evolve, change, and grow positively over time.

If you’ve been with us for a while, you’ve heard us preach this over and over: Even if you aren’t sure about attraction/chemistry, try a second date! You’d be amazed how many LEVEL relationships have formed because of this simple belief in “growth”.

With this in mind, we’ve created an accountability program within our matching system that eliminates ghosting all together.

According to a fascinating 2018 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people with a growth belief system, are less likely to use ghosting as a mode of ending a relationship.

Coincidence? We think not.

And finally, if you’ve been ghosted, and a reasonable amount of time has passed, write your boyfriend/girlfriend/date a note asking for transparency. No matter what it is. Let him/her know that you’re capable of hearing the truth and you’re listening. In other words, make it easy for them to step forward and be responsible. If they continue to avoid communication, at the very least, you know exactly where you stand. Onward!

-XOXO

April

Comments (2)

Sometimes guys will ghost a woman because we know she will be angry and difficult about it. Women with anger issues, who talk badly about their exes or who are just plain difficult are more likely to be ghosted. If you’re not good at receiving constructive criticism we are more likely to not want to have that conversation.

Hi Dan. Thank you for your thoughts. It’s never a good feeling to be with anyone who is negative about their ex. It certainly would cause a man or woman to pause. However, ghosting is a common theme, especially with dating apps. All singles go through this even when they’re happy and positive about their personal life. Ghosting isn’t about giving/receiving criticism. It’s about disappearing on someone prior to or after a date as a way of avoiding letting someone down. You can do this easily without criticizing by simply saying, “I don’t think we have the right connection to move forward but I wish you all the best.” All too often, we see singles trying to explain why they aren’t going to continue to date. It’s just not necessary.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You’ve got options, we’re here to help you choose the right one.