Ghosting. It’s a fairly new term that has spread through the single dating app market like wildfire. But, what does it really mean? Are men and women more flakey than previous generations? And if so, what happened to common decency and manners?
People haven’t changed. Technology has changed.
When someone disappears or “ghosts” you, your gut reaction is to blame them for being inconsiderate, unavailable, not “ready”, immature or just flakey. It doesn’t feel good and leaves you in the dark wondering what happened. It might be the disappearance after several text messages or even after a first date. It seems like everyone is doing it so you start to lose hope, confidence and the desire to date.
No, humans were not more considerate and thoughtful a decade ago. We are all the same at our core but the super highway of endless profiles in dating apps has certainly affected behavior and not in the most fantastic way. Good people still make mistakes and without knowing, have contributed to the general malaise in the single world.
Are you part of the problem?
If you’ve ever not sent a message back or conveniently ignored a text, then you too have played a part in the ever increasing bad behavior. You’re not to blame. You’re not a terrible person. You’re simply overwhelmed.
We all get this way from time to time with our email inbox screaming at us to answer everyone’s agendas. It’s no wonder that in-app messaging is adding to the stress. During our research for LEVEL, we learned that nearly 70% of new connections never leave a dating app. That’s a lot of ghosting going on with no real reason as to why. Except, for the fatigue and fear that’s so prevalent.
The truth about ghosting isn’t that everyone is a player, a jerk or a woman who doesn’t want a real relationship. The real truth is that it’s easier to run and hide than confront, be honest and let someone down gently.
The avoidance of confrontation is actually rooted in not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s just easier for all involved if you can simply slip out the back door and go dark, ignore the call or text. But, this requires more of your energy and time than you think and it’s more hurtful than the truth.
Too busy to let someone down honestly and gently? Then you’re probably messaging too many people and gamifying the system. The dating apps have trained you to believe that volume is necessary to be successful in love. Not true. If a real relationship is what you desire, treat people the way you want to be treated. Rip the band-aid off and be polite and direct if you don’t want to see someone. You’ll feel much better in the long run and inspire others to do the same. Ghosting will still occur but perhaps the next time it happens to you, you’ll have a better understanding of the “why” and not take it personally. Compassion isn’t just reserved for the people you know and love. It’s meant for everyone, even the person you’ve yet to meet.