Men make massive mistakes on dates all the time. I know, I get it. It’s enough to make you crazy and give up dating all together. But, ever wonder if you’ve unknowingly made mistakes that might have crushed your chances at a second date?
I’ve been in the coaching and matchmaking industry for twenty years and what I find most interesting is the feedback I receive post date. From both sides.
The he said, she said.
You’d be amazed at how single men and women have completely opposite impressions of a date. For the truth, you need an outside and trusted source to get to the heart of the matter and offer perspective.
The dates you have from apps or friend/coworker setups have no accountability, research, feedback or follow-through. Your friends love you too much to tell you the real truth. Your co-workers don’t know you well enough and they simply don’t want to be the bearer of bad news if the date didn’t go well. So, if you ask them why you didn’t get a call after your first date, they either don’t know or they just don’t want to cross the line into your personal life by getting too involved.
Essentially, you’re dancing in the dark out there. Information is power so it’s important not to dig your head in the sand and assume you’re doing everything right.
5 Common Mistakes Women Make On Dates
1. Allowing Location to Determine Your Wardrobe
The high volume of dating app dates creates a reluctance to plan a dinner date. So, the reaction to the ever-present disappointment is to meet for a quick coffee. No risk, right? Well, yes, there really is. I call it the “drive-by date”. Get in and get out with minimal time and effort spent. Just in case there’s no chemistry or your date looks nothing like his photos, you’re ok because you didn’t waste a Friday night.
The problem with little-to-no effort is well, it looks like it. Going for coffee doesn’t mean you reach for your Lululemon’s. Sure, leave the silk dress behind but please…. no matter where you’re going, make an effort. Do a mirror check-in prior to every date and ask yourself: “Do I look feminine and beautiful and do I feel great in what I’m wearing?” If the answer is no, run to the closet and change your outfit. Your future guy just might be there waiting for you.
Hint: Hate the Pete’s Coffee/Starbuck’s date? Suggest a casual restaurant or hotel bar to meet for a daytime coffee. It can be just as brief but the atmosphere is more appropriate for meeting someone for the first time. Location matters and ambience is everything in setting the scene for a potential romance.
2. Bringing Your Laundry List to the Date
I know, you work hard and have a million things stressing you out. Work, kids, commitments, health priorities and your overwhelming calendar events are constantly nipping at your ankles. A date is not the time to unload your stress and lists on a new man. It makes you look stressed, unavailable and not ready to share your time and energy with someone. You don’t have to fake it or pretend like your life is one big fluffy cloud of peace, but don’t advertise what’s not working. It’s too soon and you haven’t built a foundation yet.
Hint: If you’re asked about your insane schedule, simply say that life is busy with many things but your relationships are a priority. You’ll make the time to create a connection. That’s it. Be direct, honest and please… be brief. We don’t need an hour of story and explanation of why your life is so challenging. Big turn off.
3. Being a Negative Nelly
If you’ve been dating long enough, quite possibly you’re beyond fatigued and frustrated. You’ve been swiped and ghosted a million times. You’re on the edge and if one more guy does something wrong, you’re going to blow a gasket. Be careful that you don’t take that pain with you on your next date. The new guy waiting for you can’t possibly be responsible for all the other jerks who came before him.
Hint: If you find yourself in a negative space (you’ll know this by the endless complaining to your friends and the frown on your face), take a break from dating all together. Trust me, there’s always a new train at the station. Don’t force what isn’t working. Hit the reset button by treating yourself to some good old fashioned healing time. For me, it’s a weekend girl’s trip at a spa, long walks in the mountains, getting involved with things I love, being creative, spending time with family, journaling, attending events and concerts. Anything that fills your heart and soul is going to help you get to a more positive space.
4. Talking About “Him”
Your dates are not the time to talk about your narcissistic, unfaithful ex-husband or your lying, lazy ex-boyfriend who broke your heart. Remember, there’s a difference between transparency and all out spilling your candy in the lobby. Want to vent about your ex? Call your girlfriends and have them over for lunch or a cocktail. Keep that private and out of public spaces and dates. Your energy is being read everywhere you go.
Hint: Too much talk about your ex gives the impression that you’re not ready and worse yet, that you don’t know how to choose well. When asked, keep it simple: “We are no longer together because we grew apart, our values didn’t align, he became someone I didn’t recognize, I wanted a life with more love, honesty, etc..” No need to gild the lily.
5. Tossing Gratitude Out The Window
A date is not a trial, interview or a platform for a man to impress your socks off. It’s a chance to connect with a new human being. Regardless of where you go or how much the date costs, both parties are spending their time and these days, it’s a commodity. Always be gracious and thank him for his time, the restaurant he chose, the wonderful conversation, by reaching out with a call or text the next day. No, it doesn’t make you look desperate nor does it make him think you like him. It simply shows your grace, appreciation and kindness. More of this in the world, please.
Hint: Men don’t receive the compliments you do. Find ways to express gratitude, appreciation no matter how small. Yes, even if he’s not your type. This also gives you practice of expression for the next guy who IS your type. Plus, men are naturally drawn to women who know how to be direct with compliments!
Now it’s your turn. What mistakes have you made in the past that you wish you hadn’t? Wondering if you hurt your chances with a particular guy because you didn’t hear from him again? Share your thoughts and questions below. I’ll be here to comment and help you out.
Remember… you’re closer than you think to the love you desire. I’d love for you to share the love and share this article with your friends.
P.S. Want to work with me personally on your dating life? I have a few spots open for coaching and want to help you receive a wonderful relationship by getting you to a place of total confidence & clarity. Inquiries: email@example.com