Do you know the difference between making a decision from abundance or scarcity?
It’s a fine line when it comes to your love life. The desire for a relationship is strong so when you’re faced with a decision about a man, it’s perfectly normal to want to jump in and take a leap. We’re taught that love is rare, precious and fleeting, so if there’s even the slightest possibility of having it, you might throw caution to the wind and forget about the practical questions you need to ask yourself.
I’m a regular guest expert for the podcast Unqualified with Anna Faris and when we have a segment that I know you’ll benefit from, I’ll always share it with you. In this episode, I talk about the important questions to ask yourself at every stage of your relationships, whether you’re just getting to know someone new, or making decisions about when to have sex, how to know if you should commit, whether it’s the right time to move in with someone, or if engagement and marriage is what you truly want with your partner.
It begins with your mindset.
If you believe in the myth that commitment and love is in limited supply, you’ll act accordingly and potentially make a bad decision. On the other hand, if you’re armed with knowledge and you’re confident about who you are, what you need and what you’re capable of giving, than you’ll give yourself time to breathe, think and trust your instincts. You won’t be rushed or panic. You’ll have the ability to make smart decisions from a place self-knowledge, confidence, and abundance. In my Love On Your LEVEL Coaching Community, we talk about this a lot as I see so many women in a place of confusion with the behaviors of men they’re meeting. Clarity begins with you. Not them.
Great decisions come from abundance not scarcity.
Women who make decisions from abundance attract the best men and set the stage for lasting relationships. Every woman I have coached post break-up or divorce has a story of how she went against her better instincts because she was lonely or worried another great guy wouldn’t come along. If you find yourself saying “If I don’t move quickly, they’re going to meet someone else.” or “I want to have the talk so that I know where I stand”, or “we need to move in together because finances are tight”, you’re in scarcity mode and it’s time to pause. Remember, you’re in charge of the quality of people you invite into your life. Men love confident women who know what they want and hold their standards high, not their walls.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself to make smart decisions for your love life:
1. What do I need from a partner? – This is where you’re going to define needs vs. wants.
2. Is my effort being reciprocated equally? – Make sure you’re not playing one man tennis. Is he invested?
3. Do we communicate well? – There shouldn’t be any struggle in this area and communication should be easy right away.
4. How do I need to feel in a relationship? And do I feel that way when I’m with this person? – Write down 1 word only.
5. If this relationship were to end tomorrow, am I safe, secure, and capable on my own? – Hint: Your answer should be ‘yes’ if you’re truly coming from abundance and a healthy mindset.
Keep this list with you and use it as a map for when you’re meeting new people and building your relationships.
Listen to the full episode with Anna Faris here. (We start at 01:07 after her interview with Seth Green) Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
This is your year to get the confidence and clarity that is necessary to creating successful dating habits. Join our Love On Your LEVEL™ Community and get your first month free. Register today to take advantage of the Free Trial and I’ll send you my Dating App Checklist immediately to give you more clarity and confidence around your apps and online dating profiles. See you there!
– April Beyer