Do you want to be exclusive? Is he the right one?

via instagram @theshineproject

You’ve met someone you really like. Things are heating up and it’s clear you’re getting closer on the physical front. But, what if he’s still dating other women? When do you ask for exclusivity and how do you go about it?

It’s an individual approach that’s required and one that involves self-awareness, willpower, and confidence.

If you have to ask if a man is still seeing other people, it’s a clear sign that you’re not paying attention, you haven’t dated him enough or that he’s not making his intentions clear for a good reason.

Here are three tips to help you decide when, how and if you should ask to be exclusive.

Be Realistic

If you’ve had three dates in one month, you haven’t been dating for one month, you’ve simply had three dates! Don’t get ahead of yourself and create a relationship where this isn’t one just yet. Asking a man to be exclusive with you long before he’s built a foundation with you can make you seem pushy, needy, and not self-aware.

Don’t Let Sex Be Your Barometer

Most women don’t ask about exclusivity unless a man is pursuing a sexual relationship. This means you can’t let the act of sex alone be your reason to ask him to stop seeing other people. Do you want to enter into a sexual relationship with a man who is still dating other women? Of course not! But, then you need to be the woman who’s smart enough to stay out of the sheets if he’s still dating. This is where your confidence comes into play. Don’t withhold sex as a weapon or a tool, reserve it for a time where you both feel comfortable about moving the relationship forward.

Build Your Relationship First

Your relationship should be well underway before you have sex. Don’t make the mistake of trying to turn a fun sexual, flirty encounter into a significant relationship. In other words, build your relationship. Sex can come later. Looking for a fun night and not worried about the future with someone? Go ahead and do what’s right for you. Just know that sex doesn’t make or break any new relationship. It’s not the reason why he will all of a sudden fall madly in love with you.

If he wants to have sex after just a few dates then it’s too early to be exclusive, for both of you. You don’t know each other well enough for that. If you need this answer in order to have sex and your rational brain tells you it’s too early then just don’t have sex. Yes, it’s that simple.

Pay Attention

Date him, go out to dinner, observe, pace yourself and above all, trust your instincts. You’ll learn more from this than having the “let’s talk about where this is going” conversation. If the conversation comes up, put yourself in a position of a curious friend rather than a potential girlfriend pushing him for answers. This means, ask what he’s looking for at this time and whether or not he’s looking to have a relationship. The response you receive will be more authentic than the one a man will give if he knows you’re qualifying him. Be smart. Be real. Be brave.

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