Dating apps may be free to download, but are they costing you too much?
Before we dive into the cost, let’s talk about your mindset.
Current studies show that 4 out of 5 singles have online dating profiles. Does this mean that you have a better chance of meeting a fantastic woman? Not necessarily. Greater numbers rarely add up to quality and when you’re on the super highway of dating, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle.
In fact, digital dating can actually make it more challenging to meet “the one”. But, if you’re going to date on an app and be relatively happy along the way, it does require a mindset shift. Instead of looking at your dating app as your only avenue to meet someone special, it’s best to think of it as a supplement. It’s the side dish to your dating life, not the entire meal.
Dating apps are an investment of your time but don’t support your emotional investment in the outcome.
If you can manage your expectations, you just might enjoy yourself. Besides, having a white-knuckle grip on anything in your life tends to make what you want even more elusive. It’s fine to have the drive to meet the woman you crave, just don’t let it drive YOU.
No, dating apps aren’t evil nor are they secretly conspiring to keep you single and lonely for the rest of your life. But, they aren’t designed to reach into your soul and find you the perfect, most well-rounded partner either.
Frustrated with your dating apps?
It’s illogical to download a free dating app and then blame it for not finding you the love of your life. Has anything truly valuable been free in your life? Your travels, education, health & wellness, sports, arts & entertainment, the car you love to drive, your favorite watch or your beautiful home?
We don’t mind paying for what we value most in life. In fact, we pay more for what we prioritize, not less. In fact, if it’s free (or close to it), we question the integrity, workmanship, expertise and, quality.
Now, let’s discuss the cost.
Whether you run a company or you’re paid an hourly salary, it’s easy to figure out what one hour of your time is worth.
Take a look at the time you spend each day or week swiping and messaging and how much of this time actually results in real, quality dates. Do you spend an hour or more per day swiping? Perhaps more? If you added up two hours per day (give or take) multiplied by 7 days per week, that’s 14 hours per week minimum you’re spending on something that’s giving you very little return. I know you wouldn’t run your business this way, right? You focus on the high-level strategy of your business and hire people for everything else. It’s not that you can’t do it, it’s simply because you know how valuable your time is.
It’s not the swiping that you dislike. That’s the easy part. It’s everything else that follows. The messages that go unanswered, the pointless dates and the effort required to do the legwork and research. It would be totally worth it if you were actually meeting the women you want and felt there was positive ROI. But, let’s face it, you’re most likely not. And with each swipe, you’re feeling more depleted and resigned.
What could you do with the time lost in your dating apps? Spend time with friends and family? Move your business forward? Relax, play, travel? I’m sure you could think of a million things.
Your time is expensive. Don’t burn it.
Your Emotional Health
As a 20 year veteran in the personal matchmaking industry and dating coach, I’ve seen first-hand the recent decline in morale, self-esteem, and confidence in both women and men.
It’s literally changing people, how we think, relate, connect and choose partners. When I first started out, women said yes to all of my introductions, sight unseen. Today, they are just as visual as you are and even more selective with their time. The ghosting, perceived rejection, competition, and judgment is enough to make even the most centered and well-adjusted men doubt themselves.
As a man, I’m sure you encounter a bit more attitude from women these days. They don’t seem as flexible or as easy to reach as they once did. Wait a minute. Weren’t dating apps invented to give you more access?
If you’ve witnessed this shift in women, it’s because they’re just as exhausted and depleted as you are. By the time you send a text or make it to a date, she’s had a laundry list of men who disappeared, treated her badly and a string of bad luck. If she hasn’t done the work to heal (or hit the pause button on her apps), she’s going to be defensive and unavailable to you. It’s hard not to take this personally, after all, you’re a good guy with a lot to offer.
The deal flow of dating apps might create more apparent opportunities but the sheer volume alone is responsible for the chaos and disappointment.
Staying the course even when you’re miserable and frustrated doesn’t prove that you want a relationship, it only proves that you’re not listening to yourself and ultimately responsible for your own emotional demise.
If your attitude is starting to suffer and you’re more negative than positive, stop. Don’t stop dating, just stop doing whatever it is that’s making you miserable. Try a different path. Take a good look inside and see how you’re representing yourself on and offline. Positivity makes you sexy. Make sure you maintain your outlook.
Your Financial Health
Dating is expensive for men.
The more women you meet, the more money you spend. Dinners, drinks, Uber trips, clothing, romantic getaways, tickets to sporting events, concerts, can really add up. The average dinner date costs well over $150.00. Not a problem when you’re dating quality women on your level, but it can sting if you find yourself consistently out with women you know aren‘t even close to what you’re looking for.
I’ve seen kind and generous men completely shut down after too much bad “dating.” It’s hard to say it out loud, but you start to feel used when you’re the one reaching out, making the plans and paying for dates. Men very rarely discuss this but it’s more common than you think. If this is happening to you, you’re most likely doing two things that are contributing to this level of cost: Choosing the wrong women and turbo dating.
If your wallet and heart feel empty as a result of your dating life, take charge and start to prioritize. Focus on meeting a woman with shared values, instead of just how hot she looks in a photo. I’m not suggesting that you date women you’re not attracted to, it’s very important. Just be careful that you’re not going for attraction forsaking the traits and qualities that you know will be good for you in the long run.
It’s ok to take a break from your dating apps. If you aren’t getting the results you want and you’re seeing a negative impact on your life, the cost is too high. The world will keep spinning and dating apps will still be here when you get back. You just might come back a little stronger, more confident and able to navigate the tech waters better than you did before.