Dating apps may be free to download, but are they costing you too much?
Before we dive into the cost, let’s talk about your mindset.
Current studies show that 4 out of 5 singles have online dating profiles. Does this mean that you have a better chance of meeting a wonderful guy? Not necessarily. Greater numbers rarely add up to quality and when you’re on the super highway of dating, you’re going to see everything…the good and the bad.
In fact, digital dating can actually make it more challenging to meet “the one”. But, if you’re going to date on an app and be relatively happy along the way, it does require a mindset shift. Instead of looking at your dating app as your only avenue to meet someone special, it’s best to think of it as a supplement. It’s the side dish to your dating life, not the entire meal.
Dating apps are an investment of your time but don’t support your emotional investment in the outcome.
If you can manage your expectations, you just might enjoy yourself along the way. Besides, having a white-knuckle grip on ANYTHING in your life tends to make what you want even more elusive. It’s fine to have the drive to have love in your life, just don’t let it drive YOU.
No, dating apps aren’t evil nor are they secretly conspiring to keep you single and lonely. But, they aren’t designed to reach into your soul and find you the perfect, most well-rounded partner either.
Frustrated with your dating apps?
It’s illogical to download a free dating app and then blame it for not finding you the love of your life. Has anything truly valuable been free in your life? Your travels, education, health & wellness, sports, arts & entertainment or your beautiful home?
We don’t mind paying for what we value most in life. We pay more for what we prioritize, not less. If it’s free (or close to it), we question the integrity, workmanship, expertise and, quality.
Now, let’s discuss the cost.
Whether you run a company or you’re paid an hourly salary, it’s easy to figure out what one hour of your time is worth.
Take a look at the time you spend each day or week swiping and messaging and how much of this time actually results in real, quality dates. Do you spend an hour or more per day swiping? Perhaps more? If you added up two hours per day (give or take) multiplied by 7 days per week, that’s 14 hours per week minimum you’re spending on something that’s giving you very little return or joy. It’s not that you can’t spend the time, it’s simply because you know how valuable your time is.
It’s not the swiping that you dislike. That’s the easy part. It’s everything else that follows. The messages that go unanswered, the pointless dates and the effort required to do the legwork and research. It would be totally worth it if you were actually meeting the men you want. But, you’re most likely not. And with each swipe, you’re feeling more depleted and resigned.
What could you do with the time lost in your dating apps? Spend time with friends and family? Move your business forward? Relax, play, travel? Start a new hobby? I’m sure you could think of a million things.
Your time is expensive. Don’t burn it.
Your Emotional Health
As a 20 year veteran in the personal matchmaking and coaching industry, I’ve seen first-hand the recent decline in morale, self-esteem, and confidence in both women and men.
It’s literally changing people, how we think, relate, connect and choose partners. When I first started out, women said yes to all of my introductions, sight unseen. Today, I’m finding women just as visual as men and even more selective with their time. And no, I don’t think we’re better off than previous generations. If you don’t have well-being and confidence, good luck finding a happy and healthy relationship.
The ghosting, perceived rejection, competition, and judgment is enough to make even the most centered and well-adjusted women doubt themselves.
Men are feeling this as well, so it’s not just you. I hear the fatigue every day in my private meetings and it breaks my heart to think there are so many amazing people that will never meet. Yes, even if they are dating on the same app.
Men are noticing that women don’t seem as flexible or as easy to reach as they once were.
Wait a minute…Weren’t dating apps invented to give singles more access? And, if a relationship is what everyone truly wants, then why are so many people avoiding connection?
By the time you receive a text or make it to a date, you’ve had a laundry list of men who disappeared, treated you badly and a string of bad luck. If you haven’t put the time into healing and putting this all into perspective, the result could be resignation and not allowing enough time and space to meet someone new.
The deal flow of dating apps might create more apparent opportunities but the sheer volume alone is responsible for the chaos and disappointment.
Staying the course even when you’re miserable and frustrated doesn’t prove that you want a relationship, it only proves that you’re not listening to yourself and ultimately responsible for your own emotional demise.
You’re a loving, relationship-ready woman. If your attitude is starting to suffer and you’re feeling or acting more negative than positive, stop. Don’t stop dating, just stop doing whatever it is that’s making you miserable. Try a different path. Take a good look inside and see how you’re representing yourself on and offline. Positivity makes you sexy. Make sure you maintain your sunny outlook.
Your Chances Of A Healthy & Lasting Relationship
When I first started out in the Matchmaking industry, I would call women to chat with them about a wonderful man I had in mind for them. This was pre-database, pre-technology and long before dating apps. I didn’t show photos and only spoke of his most wonderful traits. I typically received a resounding, “Yes! April! I’d love to meet him!” And with all of these curated, well thought out introductions, men and women had the opportunity to meet sight unseen on my recommendation alone.
Dating apps have changed the work I do and that’s downright sad. A ton of intuition goes into what I do, so if I’m inspired, I feel compelled to bring two people together for a drink, a dinner or a weekend brunch. It’s disappointing when a woman or man turns us down for an introduction. All I can think about is how both parties will miss out on knowing one another. What harm could it do to simply meet someone? Those who say yes to dates get more opportunities and in return have a faster track to love.
With the constant barrage of photos coming your way, each time you swipe left or right, you’re rewarded with another profile. It gives you the impression that there are more available men who want to meet you than there really are. It’s a game, fast food, temporary fix and we all know it. But, what has it done to your own selection process?
If you’ve been on the dating apps long enough, no doubt, it’s made you more visual. You’re busy and certainly don’t want to waste any time on the wrong men, so you end up saying no a lot more than you say yes. You’re allowed and encouraged to be selective but avoid the trap of being picky. This will cause wear and tear on your happiness, approachability, and femininity if you allow it to go on for too long. The girl in you combined with the woman you are is your most powerful asset. Don’t lose this. It’s what makes men sit up and take notice.
Here’s the deal.
It’s the YES that brings you closer to the man of your dreams. The more you say yes, the more opportunities will be presented to you. Like anything in life, the person with the open mind and heart wins. Closing yourself off because of a preconceived idea of your type, age range, career, height or look of a man will certainly keep you on the bench for longer than you’d like. Think of every date request as a chance to meet someone new, especially if it’s coming from a trusted source like LEVEL. You never know how chemistry will find you unless you get out of your head and out on real dates.
I’ve inspired hundreds of relationships and marriages in my career and I must say, most were quite surprised by what they found. They discovered that real chemistry doesn’t come from a photo or a profile, but rather from a deep and profound connection that can only happen when you truly show up.
Physically and emotionally.
It’s ok to take a break from your dating apps. If you aren’t getting the results you want and you’re seeing a negative impact on your life, the cost is too high. The world will keep spinning and dating apps will still be here when you get back. You just might come back a little stronger, more confident and able to navigate the tech waters better than you did before.