Everywhere you turn, you’re being asked to make resolutions for 2021 and to set your goals. There’s a lot of pressure to perform, to be strong, to charge ahead, to “reach your goals this year”. Don’t get me wrong, writing down your goals is a good thing. We all know that if we just talk about what we want to do, nothing will get done or into our calendars. Busy lives require action, and goals give us a clear path and target.
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Dating requires a different perspective and mindset.
I know you want a great relationship. Who doesn’t? Love literally makes the world go around. But, the drive for a relationship can push away what it is you want and put you in a place of lack. A great relationship takes two. You’re only one side of the equation, so why do all the work?
Dating with intention gives you a soft, diffused focus which is the opposite of being goal oriented. As a professional matchmaker, I see love is about attraction and connection. It’s an undeniable energy between two people that rarely has anything to do with planning. When you set goals in this area of your life, you miss out on the magical moments and the people that could potentially change your life for the better.
5 Ways to Date with Intention – Not Goals
1. Be a Yes Person
Say yes to the opportunities in your life, whether it’s a set up by a friend, a professional matchmaker or a direct invitation from someone new. Having the intention of yes, will take you so much farther in your personal life than saying no. I’ve been a personal matchmaker for 20+ years and have helped thousands of couples find love and get married. The clients who found the most success were those who said “yes” to the opportunities I presented to them, regardless of type or pre-conceived ideas about what their person would look like. Letting go of your grip doesn’t mean you’re letting go of the dream. It just allows you to receive more opportunities.
2. Lose your Attachment to the Outcome
Instead of saying ‘I want a relationship”, ask yourself “how do I want to feel?” This way, you’re filling your cup with a feeling instead of an outcome. This puts you in charge of your life and prevents disappointment and that longing feeling that keeps you up at night. It’s just too much pressure on your shoulders, not to mention the people you’re dating. If you’re able to let go and fall in love with the journey, with connection, with learning about new people, LOVE will find you faster. This is the shortest and surest path to love I know.
3. Speak the Positive
Pay attention to the positive attributes of the next person you meet. Whether it’s a call, a Zoom date, or a walk in the park, immediately write down three things you liked about that person. Yes, even if you’re not going to see them again. Then, be intentional with your tone and feedback when speaking to friends about your dates. Instead of going into a negative spin about why this person isn’t for you, share the positive attributes you discovered. At LEVEL, we created a sophisticated AI technology platform that updates criteria after each date. Not only does our system get smarter as our members meet their introductions, but our expert team learns as well. We actually learn more from the positive feedback than the negative. The same is true in your dating life. Affirming what you like sends a signal to the universe to send more your way.
4. Give Yourself What You Want
Energy attracts energy, and light attracts light. Hello Law of Attraction! The best way to attract the right partner is to give yourself what you want from someone else. So many singles I meet are looking for someone to fill a deficit in their lives. For ex: You’re looking for someone who is social and fun because you’re introverted and shy, or someone who is calm and organized but your life feels chaotic and stressful. Or, you’re asking for someone to create a nurturing space for you but you barely make time for your own joy, self-care and activities. You can’t expect to find the mirror of you, but you also can’t be searching for the person who’s the opposite either. It’s a tougher search and one that can make you feel like you’re falling behind. Live the life you want to have long before you meet someone. Here’s why: No one knows what to give you if you’re not already giving to yourself. It’s not enough to tell someone. The next person you meet needs to see you actively participating in your happiness. This means, you’re already nurturing yourself, you’re giving yourself gifts and handling your affairs and life in a way that attracts a healthy person who’s doing the same. This creates an easier path for a potential partner to continue making you happy rather than trying to create your happiness.
5. Be Selective Not Picky
When we’re busy, we have a way of guarding our time. However, dating with intention requires a shift in priorities. Selective people have thier values in mind and know how they want to be treated. They don’t waste time with anyone who crosses their boundaries or treats them in a way that’s in conflict with their vision. Picky people actually waste valuable time because they’re so busy gating for superficial wants they forget their needs. Time is a valuable commodity and a precious resource. Choose wisely by letting more people in who play on your level and shutting the door on those who require too much of your energy. Be aware of reciprocation and the level of exchange you’re having with people. This is how you save time and attract the right partner. It’s a win-win for all aspects of your life.
We’ve had a challenging year and just because the new year has begun, doesn’t mean that we’re out of the woods. 2021 is about reflection and purpose. It’s clear that we need to level up everything we’re doing. Change is inevitable, so if you truly want to be happy in your personal life, toss the goals and instead reflect on how you want to be intentional going forward. You’re so much closer than you think.
“In my 25 years of experience working with single men and women, I’ve found successful relationships are built on a solid foundation of self-knowledge, clarity, and confidence. With my private relationship coaching, you can embark on a transformative journey that will lead you to a deeper understanding of your core values and align you for successfully developing a truly fulfilling relationship that can last a lifetime.”
– April Beyer, Founder & CEO of LevelConnections.com