If you’ve spent any time on dating apps, then you know how fleeting the connections can be.
One day you’re having a great text exchange with a man and the next he’s totally gone off the radar.
Maybe you’ve made it out of the never ending text spin-cycle and you graduated to a FaceTime or Zoom date. You talked about your common interests and the restaurants you used to go to pre-pandemic. You shared about your work and daily life. Your virtual date seemed to go really well.
Where did he go? After all, the witty banter was fun, and you two had a lot in common.
Dating apps like Bumble, Hinge and Eharmony are seeing a spike in activity. You’ve heard of friends dating mutliple people, and even have a friend or two that’s found forever love in the darkest time in our lives.
So, you know it’s possible. What’s the secret? What do the people who’ve found relationship success have that others don’t?
Well, timing is one thing. That’s something you can’t predict or control. It’s being in the right place at the right time.
But, there is something that you can control: Creating the space for meaningful connections.
Yes, this is in your beautiful hands. You can’t make someone attracted to you, nor can you make them fall in love with you, but you can certainly do your part to provide the space and atmosphere for connection.
Here are 3 Ways to Create Meaningful Connections in a Socially Distanced World
Whether you’re online, texting, Zooming, or meeting in person:
1. Mindset is everything.
Decide that connection is your goal, not just finding love. If you want to be happy while dating and seeking “the one”, let go. Dating is so much easier, more fun and rewarding when you’re motivated by simply connecting with people on a deeper level. Not everyone is going to be your forever but bringing your energy to every conversation regardless of the outcome is the key to your success. This was my mindeset when I was single and how I run my business with our Level Connections members. The people who love meeting new people and enjoy the journey are the ones that find love the fastest.
Tip: You’re ten times more appealing and attractive to the opposite sex when you take your eye off the target. Why? You’re more relaxed and easy going which means you put others at ease too. It’s a win-win.
2. Conversations don’t have to be long to be meaningful.
I don’t have to tell you how fractured/busy/pulled-in-a-million-directions we all are right now. New connections will burn out quickly if they require too much work, time and effort.
Be value-add by having brief conversations that are packed with meaning instead of exhausting, long talks about frivolous and superfical topics or the typical interview questions. You can do this by sharing something personal that gives a peek into your values or asking your date questions that evoke an emotional and positive reponse. It’s a proven fact that people want to spend more time with the person or place that made them feel connected to their own feelings and joy.
Tip: Save phone and zoom dates for non-work days. Zoom was developed for work meetings, not for dating. It’s not easy to turn off work-brain and turn on date-brain in this medium so schedule with care.
3. Stay on topic.
Many singles make the mistake of trying to cover as many topics as possible when they first connect on text, phone or Zoom. All this does is water down chemistry and connection and doesn’t set the stage for anything meaningul or memorable. Creating powerful relationships that ignite quickly requires you to keep it simple and not try to learn or share too many details. Information exchange doesn’t make the heart beat faster. Revealing and sharing of emotion does.
Tip: Learn the “why” about career or interests. Instead of asking, “where do you like to go skiing?”, you could ask what they love about skiing, when they first learned, who taught them, what were family ski trips like when they were young… You can see that drilling down deeper allows you to get to know more, but you’re also showing your genuine care, curiosity and emotional intelligence.
In closing, give everyone you meet a little bit of grace.
I know it’s not easy, but try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
We’re all just trying to get through this, trying to connect, trying to find love. Most people haven’t aced this new way of dating. It’s ok to be nervous, to assert your boundaries, to be “bad at FaceTime”, to not know what to do next.
Give yourself some grace, too.