What do you need for true compatibility with a partner? It’s more than just your attraction, chemistry and shared interests.
Here’s a top 10 list to serve as your trusted guide. If you haven’t yet read Part 1 of our compatibility series, you can check it out here.
In my 20 years as a successful matchmaker and relationship advisor, I’ve seen time and again that chemistry and compatibility are intertwined. It seems obvious, right? But so often, I hear men and women declare that “chemistry has to be there” or “I have to be attracted right away” in order to see someone a second or third time. Believe me, I get it. I know how important attraction and chemistry are.
I also know that greater compatibility can lead to higher chemistry, attraction and passion. So let’s dive in.
10 Things You Need For Relationship Compatibility (Part 2)
6. You need one another
Need has become a four letter word and I’m here to change that. WE ALL NEED LOVE! We need to feel it, give it, receive it and this doesn’t make us weak or too dependent. Be honest and don’t worry about appearing “needy”. That’s a totally different emotion. “Neediness” is forsaking your own values, goals, and desires in order to be with someone. Your need for your partner does not diminish your own needs. It’s the glue that keeps you together for the long haul.
7. You bring out the best in the other person
The best couples hold each other to their highest selves and are one another’s biggest fans, and supporters. This doesn’t mean either of you is perfect and without flaws. It’s about awareness and acceptance. When there’s a struggle it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. It could be that you’re challenging each other to be even better. When growth occurs from a heated debate, you know your partner is holding up a mirror and could be the best thing that ever happened to you. Moral of the story? Relationships are our teachers. Be grateful for all of them.
8. You grow together and pick up where the other person leaves off
You wouldn’t choose a business partner who has your exact same strengths, and you shouldn’t choose a life partner this way either. The best relationships are between two people who pick up the slack where their partner is weaker and vice versa. The couples you admire don’t criticize one another, they realize their best traits as well as their weaknesses and refuse to exploit them. For example, I’m the creative, visionary partner in my marriage and my husband is the analytical/logistical partner. The day we stopped trying to get each other to operate in the same way, was the day our marriage radically improved. Don’t look for your reflection. Look for your co-pilot.
9. You’re an asset to your partner’s life
Let’s face it. People are staying single longer these days and the toughest part of settling down is the concern of “settling”. This causes tremendous stress when you’re trying to find “the one”. It’s hard to give up the fabulous life you’ve created unless someone adds value and makes it even better.
The happiest couples recognize that they both benefit from their relationship. Before you start searching for love, set aside the list of your wants for a minute and ask yourself these three simple questions: What do I bring to the table? Who am I right for? Who would benefit from my qualities and traits? You could be the most gorgeous, brilliant and loving human being on the planet and you’re not going to be right for everyone. You only need to be a catch for that one special person who’s looking for someone just like you.
10. You’re both ready
This is the most important aspect of your compatibility and yet gets overlooked all the time. You’re only 50% of the equation so it’s impossible (and downright frustrating) to be be 100% responsible for the development and maintenance of your relationship. You can’t love someone enough for the both of you just like you can’t play one man tennis.
Dating can be a lot of fun but readiness for a deeper commitment requires the desire and ability to put someone else first. To care for them on all levels. To be invested in their well-being as much as your own. Love is great, infatuation, chemistry, all good! But that person needs to be ready for you and to take care of you and the other way around. Instead of getting lost in the emotion of a new romance, add in some practical wisdom to make sure there’s mutual readiness.
It takes a lot of self-knowledge, and awareness to be able to discover true compatibility quickly. When you know who you are, what you need, what you love about your life, it’s easier to recognize these things in another person. Take the time to build a life of your own. Build your desires, needs and wants, so when the time comes when you meet someone great, it’s easy to see compatibility because you know yourself so well.
The sexiest people are the happiest people. Invest in your own joy!